Although it’d been years since trying to put one together,  I was thrilled with my purchase of a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle of Monet’s  The Cliff, Etretat, Sunset  that I found it at the CMA on sale. With fond memories of spending rainy days doing puzzles as a child,  I thought that this one would keep me occupied during the cold winter days when I chose to remain warm and cozy inside.

After I spread the pieces on my dining room table I suddenly felt a sense of overwhelm.  How does one begin such a monumental task?  The pieces all looked the same and in this poor reproduction they were mostly all a murky blue or blue green.  Then I remembered the trick to doing puzzles: sort the flat sided pieces and then organize the rest into groups of like colors. Using the box cover as a guide I began to assemble them.  I was able to put together the pieces that showed Claude Monet’s signature and the pieces with the glowing orange sun peering through the mist didn’t take too long. After  the first week I had the left border together and part of the top border.  But that was it.  Everything else was too difficult.  The pieces within the sky area and the sea area were almost impossible.  There were no landmarks, nothing unusual, and the pieces were nearly indistinguishable in many cases.

For three months the cleaning lady dusted around the pieces.  Every time I had a few minutes  in between calls or appointments I would give it a try. I kept telling myself that I could do this, that I loved the challenge.  Toward the end of March I began to admit my discouragement  but I didn’t want to give up.  I am not a quitter, I kept telling myself.

Then in April a friend came for a week’s visit.  I thought that she would  enjoy the challenge. But, when I showed her the far from complete puzzle and the box covers she said, “No way.  That one is just not worth it.  It doesn’t look like fun at all.”  With great relief, I pushed the pieces into the box, dusted off the table, and thanked her.

How many times do we hang on to goals, ideas, or relationships that have long stopped being worthy of our time, our thought, or our emotions?  How many times do we realize that it just isn’t fun anymore and that it’s time to move on but are afraid to take action?

Sometimes it is difficult for us to see what is holding us from moving forward because we are so close to the situation.  I needed my friend to tell me that the puzzle wasn’t worth it.  I needed validation and a reminder that it’s OK to change my mind, to see the puzzle differently.  All puzzles aren’t meant to be solved.  Some just need to be discarded.

Are you hanging onto something that is not serving you?  Is there a relationship or a goal that you are “working on” that isn’t really going the way you want it to?  Is it time to let that go? If you need help in finding clarity in a situation I may be able to help you. Contact me for a free thirty minute clearing session.

After being at odds for almost a year a friend of mine and I  recently renewed our friendship and the other day he thanked me for something I didn’t even know he appreciated.  He said, “Thank you for encouraging me to go to the workshop a year ago. It really made a difference for me.” This gesture was huge because it was just after that workshop that he had ended our friendship. When he acknowledged that I my support had been important I felt joy.  I felt joy for him for moving forward and I felt joy for myself knowing that he appreciates me still as a friend.

The French have a saying, “La reconaissance de l’homme est la plus grandes des politesses.” This means that acknowledging another person is the greatest thing you can do. Think about it. How do you feel when someone shows appreciation for who you are, how you have influenced them, how you feel,  or simply for your presence on this planet?  If you have a blog or post on Facebook doesn’t that “Like” acknowledgment make you feel good?  And, isn’t receiving a comment even better?  In this electronic world where faces rarely meet, many people have actually developed friendships and appreciation for each other because of their acknowledgments of what they have expressed. I appreciate Les Proctor, my tech/marketing coach, for pointing this out to me and for encouraging me to show acknowledgment electronically.

In coaches training at the Coaches Training Institute  we learned to acknowledge another in a number of ways.

1. Acknowledgments can be thank you’s or compliments. To be really effective they need to be expressed on a personal level.  At the end of each three day training session we would take turns acknowledging each other. Someone might say, “Your awesome intuition, Sally,  is so evident in how you responded to me when I was having my meltdown.  You knew the right questions to ask to get me back on track. Thank you.

But an acknowledgment doesn’t have to be serious. Last  Sunday I had two compliments on the earrings I was wearing.  One was,  “Your earrings are so cool.” Another was,  “I love your earrings.  I wear dinky little earrings because of my short neck but you have given me the courage to try something new.”  I appreciated both compliments but felt more honored by the second.  It made me feel courageous and a bit funky, two characteristics that I like to think describe me.

2.  Acknowledgments can also address feelings and emotions.  When we are listening to others and we let them know that we “hear” them,  they will feel more comfortable with us.   Statements such as “I can’t really appreciate how painful that must have been, and I admire you for your courage” let the other person know that you appreciate what they have told you and that you have compassion for them.

3.  Acknowledging feelings rather than challenging them, even nicely,  serves as validation to the person who has expressed himself.   Two years ago I wrote to a friend encouraging her to come to our high school reunion. She wrote back and told me that she would not be coming because of her dislike of high school and how inadequate she felt during those years.  I emailed back and said that I understood and I mentioned how much the “great cashmere competition” among some of the girls was very painful to me.  A few minutes later she replied saying that she had changed her mind.  With my acknowledging her reason for not coming she felt validated and decided to come.  (And she had a wonderful time at the reunion.)

Acknowledging one another not only shows appreciation and compassion for that person, it helps us to see the best in them and to capitalize on that.  At the beginning of one training weekend there was a person that I had a difficult time tolerating.  By the evening of the third day I was able to honestly say, “Thank you Sara so much for your humor and your vibrant spirit.  Your ability to overcome hardships and setbacks is so inspiring.”  By thinking about her differently I could see her value and recognize that the buttons she pushed in me were my responsibility, not hers.

Remember, “La reconaissance de l’homme est la plus grandes des politesses.”  Who can you acknowledge today?

Living in this quickly paced, ever changing, high tech world is exciting and full of opportunities for many of us. For others it is chaotic and overwhelming. How we view the world we live in, how much we enjoy our lives, and how much we can contribute to our world depend greatly on how grounded and in balance we are. Living our lives in balance is not simple; it’s a challenge. The irony is that when we are able to  maintain a sense of balance, life is simple and without drama.

The articles on this blog will relate to nine habits that help me to maintain balance in my life resulting in a happier, more fulfilling experience. Ignoring or forgetting any of them can throw me off course. Sometimes it’s easy to get back on course, but the longer I resist, the further adrift I become. Still, the more I practice these habits, even if I do find myself lost once in awhile, it becomes easier to find my way back. Here they are:

1. Maintain a daily meditative practice
2. Extend love
3. Show appreciation
4. Respect my body
5. Take time for creativity
6. Spend time in nature
7. Live my values
8. Honor my  home and environment
9. Remove all clutter from my life

Some of these habits require more time than others but many of them may overlap. For example, if doing Qigong is your way of maintaining a meditative practice, it is also a way of respecting your physical body. Spending time in nature by clearing brush or helping to maintain a park is also a way of showing appreciation for mother earth. The point is to be aware of what we are doing and recognizing if we are living our values.